Ah, shit! I've got no way to label this one!

Yes. My computer is still dead, so no music until I get it back. Feels wierd when I haven't found out about a new band & stuff for over 2 weeks. I'm not sure if that's correct anyway. I remember dates like most people remember their dreams.

I came to the conclusion that I should stop drinking. For the 5th time at least (yeslol!). But this one almost ended quite badly - instead of just trying to punch walls to get rid of excess energy and/or anger, I actually tried to strangle myself (I had forgotten that people can't do that with their own hands, fuck) and somehow managed to save someone else from cutting herself a few minutes or hours later, I'm not quite sure. One of the few times I had to look after everybody, not the other way around. Huh. Funny, despite the fact that I seemed to be the most emotionally unstable that night.

I also feel that my life is going in a giga roller coaster. Something IS wrong with me, but I don't know what. I fear the psychiatrist just because they write down stuff in their permanent records and they can screw up... Something? I dunno, I probably need to research that. And the other chance is a psychotherapist, but they cost a shitload of cash (hence they're called psycho-the-rapist). Although, I've been mad with the idea that I have this & that disorder, I'm slowly starting to disbelieve it. For now, since the attempt my mood's been pretty ok, no reckless behaviour or sulking over nothing.

So, I don't think I'm going to the doctor for a while. I might ask my physician or something, but right now - I feel fine and whatever idea I had about fixing myself with mood stabilizers or talking for hours on end, they're sorta... Well, considered absolete. Maybe it'll swim back up. But as far as I've thought, maybe it's not depression at all. Not manic or major, at least. It's more likely that they're addictions. The computer and alcohol. I'd say they make the biggest impact on my train of thought and everything else. Yeah, I most likely won't get rid of either. But just like Tourettes guy always says: "I don't give a shit!" and "You can suck my dick! Or cock!"

Also, it's getting cold - for the first time in a few months, I actually had a cough from the temperature at night. Fuuuuuucking autumn. Oh, well.

Company Fuck And The Toilet - Vaginas Or Not (not for weak-hearted people)